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In the event of a second Trump presidency, some federal employees might find themselves in search of new careers. While this potential shake-up could leave some out of work, there’s no shortage of creative job opportunities. Here’s a satirical look at five career paths for displaced bureaucrats—complete with a healthy dose of the left’s ideological contradictions.

Crop Picker: Filling the Fields After Deportations

If Trump’s promised crackdown on undocumented immigrants comes to fruition, the agricultural sector may suddenly have an employment boom. Remember those claims that immigrants were taking jobs no American wanted? Turns out, they just opened up some solid opportunities. Former government workers can now roll up their sleeves and get firsthand experience with the honest labor the left claims they champion.

Black Jobs for Everyone: An Equal Opportunity Economy

“Black jobs” dominated political discourse in 2024, but what happens when immigration enforcement clears the playing field? Trump’s insistence on prioritizing citizens in the workforce might finally make room for all nationalities and races to compete for those coveted positions. It’s a curious twist: the same folks criticizing Trump for deporting undocumented workers might soon be thanking him for creating jobs for Americans—of all backgrounds.

Uber Driver: The New Washington Commute

For federal employees reluctant to leave D.C., the gig economy awaits. Someone has to ferry the likes of Elon Musk, Matt Gaetz, Vivek Ramaswamy, and RFK Jr. around town. Think of it as a front-row seat to the world of the politically elite. And hey, those awkward backseat conversations could make for a bestselling memoir someday.

Media Maven: Reinventing the Newsroom

With CNN, MSNBC, and other media outlets making cuts, federal workers might consider switching to the private sector. After all, who better to fill the void left by downsized cable news personalities than a former bureaucrat? They’re already pros at spinning narratives, burying ledes, and delivering half-truths with conviction. Perfect fit!

Landscaper: Cutting the Grass and the Red Tape

Trump’s “America First” approach could extend to lawn care, with local landscapers suddenly needing new hands to cut grass and trim hedges. Former federal workers might find the transition from trimming budgets to trimming bushes oddly therapeutic. Bonus: no memos to file or meetings to attend.

In this hypothetical scenario, the left might find itself grappling with an inconvenient truth: the very policies they claim to despise might actually help address long-standing issues of job availability and economic opportunity. Irony is alive and well in the Trump era, and for out-of-work federal employees, opportunity might just be a little closer to home—literally.