Ohio State football fans demand nothing but perfection, and that is profoundly sad

Ohio State football fans demand nothing but perfection, and that is profoundly sad | Arace

Posted by Admin December 10, 2024 Football

Spread the love

Ohio State football fans require from their Buckeyes a spotless record, which means a victory over Michigan, a Big Ten championship and a national championship, every year. Anything less, they are angry. Every year.

OK, there doesn’t necessarily have to be a national championship because the SEC is a real thing. Some Ohio State fans even admit to this. But there must be a spotless regular-season record, which means a victory over Michigan and place in the Big Ten championship game, which leads to a playoff berth. Every year. Anything less, and the fans are angry. And everyone should be fired.

Also: When a mid-major opponent is served up for slaughter in Columbus – think Akron, Western Michigan, Marshall and so forth – the Buckeyes must be ahead by 35 points at the half and win by 10 touchdowns. Anything less, and the fans are angry. And maybe the defensive coordinator should be fired before the start of the third quarter.

One more proviso: If Ohio State is 14-0 heading into the quarterfinal round of the College Football Playoff and loses to, say, Arizona State, then the whole season is a total loss, the fans are angry, everyone should be fired, the offensive line should have all of its NIL contracts torn to shreds and the quarterback should be doxed.

Welcome to Columbus, where babies are swaddled in Buckeye blankets the day they are born. They’re introduced to social media rage chambers before they reach kindergarten. The day before The Game, they are ordered to wear scarlet and gray outfits to school and sing “I don’t give a damn about the whole state of Michigan,” in assembly.

They are taught to hate Michigan because their lives lose worth if their team does not beat Michigan. Their parents, their teachers and THE Ohio State University teach them this.

This is not life. This is a cult. Look up the word “psychosis” and tell yourself it doesn’t apply. When happiness depends on one thing – perfection from a college football team – then doom is destiny.

Michigan must be hated. To lose to Michigan is to lose one’s sense of worth. Not even the Fellowship of Christian Athletes can change this. It’s part and parcel of the local curriculum.

Just three weeks before The Game, during a halftime show at Ohio Stadium, Ohio State’s marching band (aka The Best Damn Band in the Land, aka TBDBITL) riffed on a theme of “A day at the zoo.” During the climax, so to speak, TBDBITL formed in the shape of a bear, and the bear tipped into squatting position and defecated (a poop emoji unfurled from its bum) on a Block M flag.

Ohio State Marching Band spends a day at the zoo during halftime show

TBDBITL took a trip to the zoo in its latest Ohio State football halftime show against Purdue.

Was this a lesson in in digestive physiology and the importance of fiber in one’s diet – public education! – or it was a bold statement of anti-wokeness that set a new standard for stylized crap? Whatever it was, adults signed off on it.

Michigan beat Ohio State 13-10 in The Game last week. One Michigan player, presumably an angry ursinology major, tried to plant the Block M Michigan flag at midfield of The Horseshoe. This touched off a brawl because, as Ohio State coach Ryan Day said later, “I know that those guys were looking to put a flag on our field and our group weren’t going to let that happen.”

What College Football Playoff fans think of the bracket (probably)

After the release of the CFP 12-team bracket, Before The Snap shares a sketch comedy take on the latest rankings from the fans’ perspective.

Police officers from both Ohio and Michigan went into action. Players were pepper-sprayed on national television and the images spread, like a poop emoji, across the world wide web.

This speaks to the hyperbolic nature of digital media, where anybody can say anything and, if it’s crazy enough, gain an audience. Obviously, this is not just a Columbus problem. In fact, there were other postgame brawls during Rivalry Week. Flag-plant fracases erupted after the Florida-Florida State and N.C. State-North Carolina games, to name just two. But there is only one The Game, and it’s the greatest rivalry in all of sports because it has a level of hatred that cannot be bound by any measure of civility.

The true nature of The Game is beyond the imagination of anyone who is not from Ohio. In fact, Michigan doesn’t even care about it as much – Jim Harbaugh lost five The Games in a row and somehow kept his job. And then he cheated – and nobody does that at Ohio State. Is covering up a spousal abuse scandal cheating? No, it is not, which is why any number of Ohio State fans were groping for the return of Urban Meyer last week, after Day lost The Game for the fourth time in a row.

“Thanks for ruining Christmas” was a familiar refrain on X.

Joy to the world.

Day is 66-10 overall and 1-4 against Michigan, which in the eyes of many Buckeye nuts makes him the second coming of John Cooper, who was 192-84-6 overall and 2-10-1 against Michigan. Around here, being called “John Cooper” is a reference to the bear necessities.

“We’ve felt what it’s like to not win this game, and it’s bad,” Day told WBNS-TV on the eve of this year’s loss. “It’s one of the worst things that’s happened in my life, quite honestly – other than losing my father and a few other things. Quite honestly, for my family it’s the worst thing that’s happened. We can never have that happen again. Ever.”

Thousands, perhaps scores of thousands, think just like Day. That is profoundly sad.

There are other realms – Kentucky basketball, maybe Alabama football – where fan priorities are close to aligning with those of Ohio State football. Where life depends upon a perfection that is rarely, if ever, achieved, and reality is screwed and losing is compared to death.

Enjoy the playoffs.

marace@dispatch.com