“Please tell Thomas I hold my hand up, I got it wrong,” writes Kim Thonger. “I withdraw zero and offer instead very few Germans are interested in cricket. My attacking game relies too heavily on hyperbole. Shamefaced, I trudge back to the pavilion, the dismissal going in the book as Hit Wicket b Meehan.”

I’ve just seen the official scorecard, which, in a controversial development, reads Thonger b Thonger -1. More news as we get it.

Weather update in crossword form

“It seems unlikely,” begins Tom Van der Gucht, and he’s not kidding. “But if England can take advantage of the cloud cover to roll over the Black Caps for 50, and with Crawley due a triple century to push his average back into the low 30s and cement his place in the team until after the Ashes, then maybe, just maybe, England have what Dave Podmore would describe as a sniff of a hint of a chance. That’s all Stokes needs…”

Actually, while I wouldn’t give England tuppence here, I spent yesterday/earlier today looking back at some of their acts of escapology in the first Bazball summer. I didn’t give them tuppence in these games either.

• New Zealand, Lord’s NZ effectively 242 for 4 in their second innings. England win by five wickets

• New Zealand, Trent Bridge England 93 for 4, chasing 299. England win by five wickets

• New Zealand, Headingley England 55 for 6 in their first innings, still 274 runs behind. England win by seven wickets

• India, Edgbaston India effectively 285 for three in their second innings. England win by seven wickets

We didn’t know we were born.

“Morning Rob,” writes Thomas Meehan. “I can confirm that some Germans are cricket fans. Johanna, my houseguest from a few years ago and a champion Sportlerin herself, was very keen on seeing a game; her partner Richy possibly less so. Unfortunately it was out of season so instead we wandered down the hill to Coogee Oval to watch Randwick play.”

Bad news from Hamilton

“It is now raining again and the covers are coming back on…” writes Ali.

Good news from Hamilton

“Interestingly, we have some peelage of the covers occurring.,” writes Ali Martin. “Bethell, Stone, Root, Anderson playing a game of keepy ups in front of the pavilion.”

“High praise for Will O’Rourke, but well-earned I feel, as he has a bit of Courtney Walsh about his action and the deceptive nastiness of his short ball,” writes Gary Naylor. “The difference in age between 21 and 23 is a lot more than that between 31 and 33 in Test cricket, but Jacob Bethell (21) looked very raw indeed against O’Rourke (23) yesterday.

“Strokemaking for a batter is like shot-stopping for a goalkeeper – eye-catching, but if they couldn’t do it, they wouldn’t be a pro. Whether young Bethell can go on to master the equivalent of goalkeeper commanding his box through anticipation, footwork and personality remains to be seen – going to be fun finding out though, isn’t it?”

Walsh is a good comparison; like O’Rourke, his angles were awkward and he got the ball to follow right-handers. The other bowler he reminds me of is peak Steve Harmison.

I think that’s slightly harsh on Bethell. The shot to get out was poor, but then so were Brook’s and Root’s and they hadn’t been worked over. Before that he dealt pretty well with a couple of really horrible throat balls. Don’t forget that O’Rourke roughed up Ben Stokes even more emphatically in the previous Test.

That said, it did give me pause over Bethell’s potential role in the top three against India and Australia. For now he’s first reserve and I wouldn’t deviate from that. In the long term I’d put him my house on him making it; he’s the best under-23 England batter since Joe Root. And he’ll have learned so much from these three Tests.

“One of those days,” writes Ali Martin, our main at Seddon Park. “Bit of rain first thing and now sort of overcast, dank and spotting. And as I type that a droplet lands on my phone screen fhremmajsnslrh.”

England Women are also in action against South Africa in Bloemfontein. On the first day of their one-off Test, Maia Bouchier made a charming debut century and Nat Sciver-Brunt reaffirmed her all-time greatness. Her consistent brilliance, particularly with the bat, is mind-blowing.

The weather forecast is better after lunch so I’m sure there will be plenty of play. If not, there’s always Australia v India at the Gabba. Hang on, the forecast is iffy there as well.

“Evening Rob,” writes Kim Thonger. “I’ve spent the last couple of days in Germany. Even though a large proportion of Germans are sports mad, I can confirm what we all knew. Nobody has the slightest interest in cricket of any sort.

“I’ve been pondering, could it be that those responsible for preparing school playing fields have always been horrified by the imperial measurements used to create pitches and equipment?

“For example. Here is a list of imperial measurements used in cricket and their metric conversions:

Cricket pitch Length 22 yards (66 feet) is approximately 20.12 meters

Cricket pitch Width 10 feet is approximately 3.05 meters

Boundary distance Typically ranges from 50 to 90 yards, equivalent to 45.72 to 82.29 meters

Bat length Maximum of 38 inches, which is about 96.52 centimeters.

Ball weight Between 5.5 and 5.75 ounces, or approximately 156 to 163 grams

“If we compromised slightly – for example, the pitch could be 20x3m – maybe ground staff in the village of Gschlachtenbretzingen, located in Baden-Württemberg (it really exists), might be less reticent?”

Nobody in Germany is interested in cricket? Tell that to Ben Kohler-Cadmore!

Start delayed

I’m with Colly. Though England weren’t great yesterday, the game turned on a spell of fast bowling from Will O’Rourke that any of the great West Indians of the 1980s would have been proud to bowl.

Preamble