I used to write about ironic things in the world. My problem is that nearly everything is ironic at this point. Seems as though “ironic” has suffered a death at the hands of normal. I know how you feel, it disappointed me as well.

I saw the first advertisement for the Missouri sports wagering amendment, and it basically says that “a buttload of the money” generated from the wagering taxes will be used for schools. That’s a good strategy but wait until I tell you about riverboat gambling legislation back in the 90’s. “They” once promised us that if we approved slot machines and card games to be placed on moving riverboats it would solve most of our education funding issues. It did not.

At the rate that schools grow their administrative wing of education, it is unlikely that any tax would ever keep up, to be honest.

This reminds me that the shortage of teachers is because most of them are administrators now, where the pay is significantly higher and interaction with actual students is minimized. I wholeheartedly understand this concept. Maybe some gambling money would help us build more administrative offices and such for them, that would help, right?

Don’t worry about too much Missouri gambling advertising, which is Amendment 2, because your listening and viewing pleasure is going to be hijacked primarily this fall by Amendment 3, the abortion initiative. Millions of dollars are flowing into the state to “woo” your vote. That’s certain to be some cheery advertising, just in time for the holidays.

I can assure you that you will be tired of both sides by the time the election rolls around. The irony of the entire abortion debate would be interesting, had irony not died.

I have never determined the exact measurement for a “buttload of money,” but it’s more than you need is the most scientific answer I can provide to you. I have yearned for such an amount on many occasions, but my advanced age and accompanying wisdom has taught me it would probably bring more problems than solutions.

Speaking of riverboats, where did the people that piloted the gambling riverboats go? Did they all just retire when we moored the casinos in the lagoons or what? These are the things that keep me awake at night. According to my limited research, the last casino in Missouri that was located on open water was the casino in Caruthersville and that was moved off the water in 2021. I suppose that was the last riverboard captained ship in Missouri.

Anyway, the last time that gambling was going to solve education funding was in 1994 and as you know, education has been flush with money ever since, so rest easy that the money machine will keep on rolling, and we might have the smartest kids in the nation soon.

Who said irony was dead?

(Guy Speckman, ironically, cannot be reached because he is busy gambling away his Landmark salary)