Rory McIlroy and Tiger Woods stand on the green as they watch New York Golf Club and The Bay Golf Club warmup for the inaugural match of the TMRW Golf League, Tuesday, Jan. 7, 2025, in Palm Beach Gardens, Fla. TGL features six teams of four players competing against each other in a tech-infused arena the size of a football field. (AP Photo/Rebecca Blackwell)
AP

I have not seen everything, but I have seen indoor golf and I shrug. Indoor golf is usually found on cruise ships and in sports bars. Now it is a TV gimmick, like poker and the NBA Cup.

This is computer golf on steroids; not necessary, the steroids, I mean. Not much strength nor stamina needed here.

All that is needed is a giant screen, suckers in the stands, appropriate lighting, the casino kind, a suspension of belief and two hours on a Monday or Tuesday night.

It is, and I quote, “an interactive, tech-infused, team golf league.” That is a lot of things to be when what it is really is nothing more than a simulated driving range and a putt-putt course, minus the windmill and elephant’s trunk. But, wait, the thing is young yet and no idea is too nutty.

To paraphrase Rory McIlroy, one of the midwives of the thing along with Tiger Woods, this is taking golf into the “21st century.”

Never mind that golf is already here and has been here for several centuries, ever since the Tom Morrises, old and young, inflicted the game upon unsuspecting Scots way back when, authoring a useful definition of the game, “nae wind, nae rain, nae golf.”

This is golf without wind, rain or walking, decrying Mark Twain’s famous assessment that golf is a good walk spoiled. Golf without walking is a retirement community in Florida.

Now it is also on television, on one or other of the ESPNs, and from what I could tell, a welcome companion to hot dog eating and mixed martial arts.

The important thing is it is a game Tiger Woods can still play and will do so as part of something acronymed into TGL, the Tiger Golf League for want of an accurate name. In saner times when a celebrated golfer became too old or too gimpy to compete, he joined friends on the senior tour or became an honorary starter at the Masters.

Julius Boros, an avid fisherman and champion golfer, was once asked if he planned to retire. “To what?” he asked.

To a newer generation, the answer is TGL, should it endure.

One thinks of other similar ventures like Arena Football or disc golf or hockey in frozen baseball parks and are not fooled. Passing amusements do not last, save maybe Mike Tyson who could still draw a crowd.

Woods has been quoted as admitting “it is not traditional golf,” like saying that pickle ball is not traditional tennis, though to be fair, some movement is required from the picklers. Then why bother?

To take golf “into the next stratosphere,” according to Woods. Some would agree that the stratosphere is where golf belongs.

Apparently, off the opening evening’s evidence, the scheme is being taken seriously by serious golfers, although giggling was overheard. One of them is McIlroy, still vital, as well as some others whose names are not as familiar, assorted Justins and Collins and the oft-ignored Xander Schauffele, who shares much of the alphabet with Scottie Scheffler, if not the game.

That is the state of golf post-Tiger, too many unfamiliar players, easily confused, a sport without focus, depending on geographical attractions, like Augusta, Pebble Beach or St. Andrews. Otherwise, every place is Scottsdale and every golfer is named Cameron.

To regain public attention — to attract “a younger audience,” according to McIlroy — and at the same time counter the Saudi Arabian threat, this is what Rory and Tiger could come up with.

The last time golf was in trouble, Jack Nicklaus and Arnold Palmer came up with the players tour, a non-tech infused solution.

The “league” has six teams, much the way the NHL started, scheduled to play 15 games, that is, once against each other, with the four best meeting in a playoff some time in March, where other madness may be occurring.

Each team is named after a place, from Atlanta to LA, wisely avoiding Chicago, where we know a hustle when we see one.

Or you could just go on Royal Caribbean, where they have all the simulated golf you want and not a bad buffet later.