So, a week late thanks to a cruise that had me off the grid last week. Shut up.

The premise of the Bad Gambling Advice column is that, well, you shouldn’t bet actual money based on these picks. It’s right there in the headline, why would you follow it. (Except sometimes I actually do well. So maybe you should? I don’t know.)

Here goes the Week 2 SEC schedule and picks.

Arkansas at Oklahoma State (11:00 AM CT, ABC): It sure seems like people have already forgotten that Sam Pittman is supposed to be on the hot seat and replaced by Bobby Petrino, but on the other side appears to be a classic Mike Gundy team. I don’t bet against Mike Gundy here and neither should you.

Score Prediction: Oklahoma State 38, Arkansas 21

Picks: Oklahoma State -7.5, Under 62.5

Texas at Michigan (11:00 AM CT, FOX): Everybody sure seems to be convinced that Texas will win this in a walk. You know what happens when everybody is convinced of something.

Score Prediction: Texas 24, Michigan 21

Picks: Michigan +7.5, Over 42.5

McNeese at Texas A&M (11:45 AM CT, SEC Network): I can’t seem to find a line on this one. Weird.

Tennessee Tech at Georgia (1:00 PM CT, SEC Network+): Tennessee Tech almost beat MTSU last week, in a game delayed several hours by lightning and also where the opposing coach was Derek Mason. Lightning very nearly struck twice.

I do not think they are going to come anywhere close this week.

Score Prediction: Georgia 62, Tennessee Tech 0

Picks: Georgia -53.5, Under 62.5

South Carolina at Kentucky (2:30 PM CT, ABC): You have no idea how fucking weird it is to see the SEC have a 2:30 game on ABC, not CBS. Where is Uncle Verne when you need him?

Score Prediction: Kentucky 31, South Carolina 10

Picks: Kentucky -10, Under 43

Cal at Auburn (2:30 PM CT, ESPN2): I don’t know, I’m not really a believer in Auburn.

Score Prediction: Auburn 28, Cal 24

Picks: Cal +13.5, Under 53.5

MTSU at Ole Miss (3:15 PM CT, SEC Network): Okay, what is with these weird kickoff times on the SEC Network? Anyway, after surviving a lightning-delayed opener against a team he was supposed to beat, Derek Mason plays… Ole Miss in Week 2? Is he only playing the hits?

Score Prediction: Ole Miss 56, MTSU 14

Picks: Ole Miss -41.5, Over 63.5

Buffalo at Missouri (6:00 PM CT, SEC Network+): Buffalo is bad, I guess. I have questions about Missouri after poring over their stats in Week 1 against a bad FCS team, but the number is not high enough for me to think they can’t cover.

Score Prediction: Missouri 42, Buffalo 7

Picks: Missouri -34.5, Under 51.5

South Florida at Alabama (6:00 PM CT, ESPN): Sure, put Alabama vaporizing someone in primetime on ESPN. Makes sense.

Score Prediction: Alabama 52, South Florida 7

Picks: Alabama -30.5, Under 63.5

Samford at Florida (6:00 PM CT, SEC Network+): No line for this one, either.

Alcorn State at Vanderbilt (6:30 PM CT, ESPNU): Oh look, we’re playing a bad FCS team, too. No line.

Tennessee vs. NC State (6:30 PM CT, ABC, in Charlotte): Sometimes, you just want to pick against Tennessee. Why? Because fuck ‘em, that’s why.

Score Prediction: NC State 34, Tennessee 31

Picks: NC State +7.5, Over 61

Nicholls at LSU (6:30 PM CT, SEC Network+): Somehow, this game does have a line, though.

Score Prediction: LSU 56, Nicholls 7

Picks: Nicholls +51.5, Over 61.5

Houston at Oklahoma (6:45 PM CT, SEC Network): No, I wasn’t impressed with the box score from Oklahoma’s first game, but… Houston is… not good. I am not going to pick them to cover anything right now.

Score Prediction: Oklahoma 38, Houston 6

Picks: Oklahoma -29, Under 49.5

Mississippi State at Arizona State (9:30 PM CT, ESPN): The Pac-12 might be dead, but this game certainly fits the spirit of Pac-12 After Dark. As such, expect weirdness.

Score Prediction: Arizona State 38, Mississippi State 35

Picks: Mississippi State +6.5, Over 60