Noah Lyles is the United States’ Track & Field team’s top short distance runner. He was the1st place finisher in the 100m & 200m dash at last years World Championships. He also managed to get himself hated by a sizable portion of the NBA community. If you don’t know the story, following the World Championships in Budapest, he was asked a question what he wants to do for the sport of track & field, and how he can help boost it’s profile overall. In response, Noah Lyles opted to use his platform to do everything he could to make people like track & field less. He decided to take a completely unprovoked shot at the NBA. 

First off, that’s just an incorrect take. If we were calling ourselves World Champions in the MLS that’s one thing. But the best players in the world play basketball here. It’s not just Americans. The last 6 NBA MVP’s have been born outside of the country. He also used an extremely unlikable tone. It’s not necessarily Noah Lyles fault that he suffers from a case of “bad voice”. But it certainly doesn’t help his cause. Anyways, apparently Noah Lyles wants to see the 2024 Dallas Mavericks go toe-to-toe in a 7-game series against the likes of CSKA Moscow before he’s willing to concede that they’re the best basketball team in the world. 

Of course everyone got mad.  Noah Lyles vs the NBA became a thing. 

When Paris 2024 came around, Noah Lyles even started out slow. He failed to win his quarterfinal and semi-final heats (but still managed to qualify for the finals). Then somehow, in the finals, in the closest (and what some are calling the best) 100 meter dash in the history of the Olympics, Noah Lyles won gold. 

All he had left to do was win the 200 meter and he could silence all the haters (which is honestly a stupid to say cause nobody really doubted his running ability, he just had haters for saying something stupid). He just needed one more win. The 200 meter should have been easier than the 100. He was the clear favorite. But then… oops.

What the hell Noah! That’s supposed to be your event! You weren’t even that close!

But THEN… in an ironic twist of fate, Noah Lyles pulled a tried and true, veteran NBA move.

A move that 4x NBA World Champion LeBron James would be proud of. Who could forget the 2018 NBA Finals, when after getting swept out of the building by the Golden State Warriors, LeBron James showed up to the podium with a brace on his right hand. 

“Ohhhh that explains why he lost! Turns out he was injured the whole time!” – The whole world said in unison when LeBron subtly revealed his injury.

Pretty sure that’s not the only time LeBron has pulled that one either. And Noah executed it to a T today. Perfect job Noah. No notes. Lose the race. Find the wheelchair. Announce Covid. Then walk around in a mask for the remainder of the day.

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I’m not saying he didn’t have Covid. There are reports of him walking around with the mask pre-race as well (although that would be a heady move to establish the Covid excuse pre-race in case of a loss). But I’m sure he has it. Just like LeBron James broke his hand in the 2018 finals. The key is Noah Lyles let people know about instantly. Don’t even give the world time to form a negative opinion. Establish yourself as an injured runner the moment you finish the race. 

Now, instead of clowning him for underachieving, the whole world is saying, “WOW, Noah Lyles managed to win a Bronze medal in the 200 meter despite a potentially deadly illness. What a hero!”  

LeBron James would be proud. What a fitting ending to Noah Lyles Olympics after all that fuck-the-NBA talk.

Unless of course… he really wants to go full NBA… and after going out in a wheelchair… he makes a surprise return to help lead the USA to a Gold in the Men’s 4×100 meter relay… 

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Be ready for that one America. I’m not sure he even has that option at this point. But if he does… the Paul Pierce seems extremely up Noah Lyles alley. If only he hadn’t gotten Covid and Serbia didn’t blow a 15 point lead. We were so close to this not happening.