Conceptually, I hate games that revolve around the idea of “numbers go up.” Sure, your level and damage output go up in an RPG, but the story is what ties you to the experience. Grinding gear by repeating endgame raids or, heaven forbid, getting stuck into Cookie Clicker? This sounds like hell to me. And yet, here I am, thinking about TCG Card Shop Simulator.

TCG Card Shop Simulator is the definition of “numbers go up.” You buy merchandise, sell it for a slight markup, and use that money to gain access to new ways to make money, further increasing the rate at which your number goes up. There’s some nuance with market value fluctuations, but the basic premise remains intact from start to finish. Do a capitalism in order to do capitalism bigger, better, faster.

There was no way I was going to buy this game, I’m not a mark. But then I saw streamers playing with Pokémod by REDH3XO. TCG Card Shop Simulator was launched on September 15, but had its peak player count (so far) on October 6, a few days after the launch of Pokémod. It’s not necessarily related, as the game was building in popularity anyway, but that just happens to be the exact day that I both paid for the game and finally downloaded the mod.

And the numbers, they really do go up. I did play the game briefly without the mod, and saw the in-game “Tetramon,” a nice set of legally distinct monster cards to collect and battle with. Well, you don’t get to battle with them, but you can watch NPCs sort of mimic a duel. 

On that note, the NPCs are hideous. I’m pretty sure they’re all store-bought assets, and I’m just thankful that you don’t have to spend too much time looking at them. Instead, you can check out the cards, which come with simple enough artwork, but something far more important: a price tag.

As you upgrade your store you gain access to more products, such as different card sets, deck boxes, dice, collectibles, figures, and even board games. Most of those products exist purely to help your numbers go up – duh – but the card packs can be opened and then sold individually. Most cards are barely worth the effort it takes to put them on sale, but some select cards are worth hundreds if not thousands of dollars.

Suddenly, this unlocks what is essentially a gambling minigame. You buy up booster boxes and start individually opening each pack one by one, all in hopes of hitting the big time and getting an NPC that’s willing to buy it for whatever absurd price you sell. This is, realistically, the fastest way to make money in the game – it’s certainly not selling Pokémon Monopoly boards, or whatever the legally distinct equivalent is – it’s a slot machine.

I’ll (honkai star) rail against gacha games all day (please continue to read our HoYoverse content), but TCG Card Shop Simulator allows me to enjoy all the joyous highs and devastating lows of being a hardcore TCG collector or gacha player, without needing to post the Tiger King “I’ll never financially recover from this” meme after the fact.

Despite being a card shop management game – one which isn’t as good as Recettear, to be honest – the real core of TCG Card Shop Simulator is a slot machine-style chain of random pulls while praying for a rare. And I just can’t hate it, as much as I want to. It’s ugly, unpolished, and frankly feels like it needed more time in the oven, with or without the Pokémod, and I can’t stop playing.

I always felt myself superior, valuing the weight of my bank balance over anime waifus in mobile games, but as soon as the bank balance is removed from the equation, I’m a chimp-brained loser that’ll holler for a large number next to a picture of an anime monster.

I recognize that, but I won’t stop playing, because I reckon a good pull is all I need to save me from the encroaching bill due date. 

Although, if you get a good pack in real life, you might get one of these rare and expensive Pokémon cards.