We knew South Carolina’s workforce agency was all about spinning the Palmetto State’s anemic labor participation rate in a favorable direction… but we had no idea the agency would actually create fake jobs to do it.

Or in this case, fake people.

We wonder… will governor Henry McMaster take credit for these phantom positions during his ‘State of the State’ address this week? Or will he blame it all on former president Joe Biden fudging the numbers.

Earlier this month, our media outlet stumbled onto a page hosted by the S.C. Department of Employment and Workforce (SCDEW). Dubbed “S.C. @ Work,” it is ostensibly intended to “promote employment and career exploration opportunities to jobseekers.”

The page features an assortment of DEI-approved “workers” in numerous different industries, complete with their names, ages, salaries, education levels and testimonial quotes about how much they love their jobs.

It’s riveting stuff, people… downright inspirational in its carefully collated panoply of human interest.

Take 46-year-old police officer Dallas Farrell, who believes that “a shared sense of responsibility for everyone’s safety and well-being makes a community a good place to live.”

What instilled this sense of responsibility in Farrell?

“A police officer spoke at our career day during my junior year of high school and I learned how broad the law enforcement career field is,” he noted. “He explained that you can work for local or state agencies, or the federal government in roles as varied as fish and game warden, detective, criminal investigator, transit and railroad police, school resource officer, police or sheriff patrol officers, and more. I feel passionate about protecting people, and I love being a first responder.”

Impressive, right? But, there’s a catch…

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While Farrell is prominently featured on the SCDEW’s website and promoted on its Instagram page (meaning if you Google him, he’s technically real) there is no record of anyone named Dallas Farrell being employed as a law enforcement officer in the Palmetto State. Not only that, the image of Farrell accompanying his bio is… wait for it… a stock photo.

Similarly, 27-year-old Aysha Washington – a beautician – is tough to track down. While she hailed the positive impact of her cosmetology program after she “decided to learn hairstyling as a back-up skill,” getting an appointment with her could prove tricky – even if she views customers as part of her “extended family.”

“They say if you love your work, you’ll never work a day in your life, and that’s how I feel as a beautician,” she said.

The problem?

There is no Aysha Washington registered with the S.C. Department of Labor Licensing and Regulation (SCLLR). She does exist, however, on a stock photo service touting a “positive African-American hairdresser with comb and scissors working with client in salon.”

Take a look…

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Thirty-two-year-old Davonn Walker is another compelling story. Like anyone who dreamt as a child of donning a hat and grabbing a hose, he is “proud to be a firefighter.”

“I think this is one of the most honorable and courageous things a person could do,” he said. “It’s like being part of a very exclusive club. The people I work with are my extended family. We not only live together part of the week, but we help and support each other’s families. We have a bond and camaraderie that very few will understand. You literally trust each other with your life.”

Anyone trusting Walker with their life should probably check and make sure he’s real… and not a stock image featured on numerous other websites.

Got a bum knee? Or a workplace injury that needs rehabbing? You might be tempted to seek out 28-year-old Karan Kaufman – a physical therapist who, according to SCDEW, makes $73,300 annually.

Again… just make sure he’s real, because there’s no record of him at SCLLR.

Looking for a lawyer? South Carolina is full of them, but 54-year-old patent attorney Elizabeth Lin might not be the best choice for you – even if SCDEW does provide a compelling backstory for her.

“As a child I thought I wanted to be an author, or a forensic scientist, or maybe even a high school drama teacher!” Lin said. “By the time I was ready for college, I was completely lost. I had many interests, but no clear path or direction. Ultimately, I decided to get an engineering degree because it covered so many of my strengths – writing, math, deduction, and problem-solving. While in college I realized that law was the subject that tied everything together and was the most fascinating to me.”

“As a patent lawyer, I can look back now and see how all of my interests, which seemed so different at the time, were integral to my success in this job,” she added.

Lin makes $153,490 annually, according to SCDEW – although (surprise) the S.C. supreme court’s attorney search revealed no licensed attorney in the Palmetto State with her name. Not to worry, though. If you are serious about engaging her services, she’s apparently in Sonoma County, California helping members of the local retirement association navigate “their path to retirement.”

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Ummm… what the hell, right?

What gives?

“(SCDEW) is using fake people to highlight career opportunities in South Carolina,” one industry recruiter told us.

Our favorite of the bunch? Katie Woods, a 24-year-old bird supervisor who “get(s) to share (her) love of animals with visitors during exhibitions and shows.”

“People are always so surprised when I tell them what I do for a job,” Woods said. “I mean who has a business card that says ‘Bird Supervisor?’”

Who, indeed…

“I started at the zoo as one of the caretakers in the aviary,” Woods continued. “I was responsible for feeding the birds, cleaning the exhibits, and doing general checks on the animals every day. Recently I started to get involved with more of the guest experiences with our birds. That has been really fun.”

It probably has been fun… in some parallel universe. In this universe, though, Woods is not real – she’s an iStock image bearing the following description: “Happy young woman in safari suit with parrot on shoulder in jungle stock photo.” In addition to appearing on SCDEW’s fake jobs page, she’s also apparently a salesperson for adjustable bird leashes currently on sale at your local Walmart…

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While it’s not clear how much taxpayer cash was spent on this bizarre portal and its imaginary cast of characters (all of whom are flooding search engines with their fictitious identities, by the way) – several important questions come to mind.

Were real South Carolinians not available for this project?

If so… were their stories not sufficiently inspiring?

Were they not sufficiently attractive?

Not sufficiently diverse?

Or… was all of that just too much work to pull together?

Whatever the excuse, it’s certainly something to think about when McMaster and his “Republican” allies brag about all those new jobs they are creating…

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR …

Will Folks is the founding editor of the news outlet you are currently reading. Prior to founding FITSNews, he served as press secretary to the governor of South Carolina. He lives in the Midlands region of the state with his wife and eight children.

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