I get nervous before a lot of things: work Zooms, first dates, whenever I have to call someone. But that all pales in comparison to teeing off against Christopher McDonald, aka Shooter McGavin, akamy new bitter rival.
Growing up as a “Happy Gilmore” fanatic, I never expected to meet McDonald, let alone play golf against him. And yet, sometimes miracles occur.
A consummate professional who’s been doing media blitzes for longer than I’ve been alive, McDonald answered my questions with aplomb and popped out anecdote after anecdote. At the tail-end, he asked about my golf game and then he challenged me to a little mini-golf competition.
Along with our matchup, McDonald and M&M’S were hosting a chance for fans and Brooklyn passerby to take home a Peanut Butter jacket and win a year’s supply of Peanut Butter M&M’S. It’s probably for the best that I didn’t win, as that much guaranteed chocolate might’ve ruined me.
There were three holes aptly named Peanut Butter Paradise, Hole-in-Fun and Peanut Butter PARty—see what they did there?—and things immediately started with McDonald calling me a “jackass”. In jest … I hope.
The two of us shot 4 on the first hole and 3 on the second hole and then things got a bit wonky. The third hole, easily the toughest of the triumvirate, featured an M&M windmill, a slippery red surface down the middle and a difficult-to-approach pipe that led from one side to the other.
McDonald got the first go and after a successful opening shot hit the ball off the course. It took a man walking by and his dog to fetch the golf ball. Because this particular golfer is Shooter McGavin and I’m not, he just started the hole over, eventually recording a 4. McDonald then asked for my phone so he could record me, since I was recording him, and the mind games had begun.
Still, I was confident. This was my opportunity. And then I f*cked it all up. The first two putts were fine, ultimately finding the pipe, but the ball didn’t make it through. I attempted to go on the red median but the ball ended up on the peanut-butter trap back under the pipe. Then, I missed the pipe once more, because of course, eventually got it onto the other side and finally botched a gimme. It was a 6 or 7 depending on how generous you want to be.
Now, I don’t know what the all-encompassing mini-golf legislation says about starting the hole over—looking at you, McDonald—but I have to give it to my competitor. He won fair and square-ish.
Now what did we learn here? 1. Christopher McDonald rules. Just an all-around swell guy who cares about golf just as much as you and I. 2. Never play against your heroes, because you might be thinking about your mistakes for the rest of your life. 3. The Peanut Butter PARty is the worst golf hole of all time.
Nevertheless, I’ll be able to watch “Happy Gilmore 2” soon enough and know that I went up against one of the biggest names in golf and held my own. Nerves be damned, I went toe-to-toe with the big guy and only embarrassed myself a little.
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