I ain’t no big city lawyer or nothin’. This seersucker suit of mine fits me mighty fine, thank ya. It’s the simple things that I enjoy. A fried egg in the mornin’, a little runny if it pleases ya. Few things are better than a mint julep on a cool summer’s eve. Still, those comforts pale in comparison to seeing a CEO who has ruined the lives of so many get dunked on in sweet Lady Justice’s Court Of Law, I reckon.

I assume y’all are familiar with Mr. David Zaslav? He’s the billionaire rapscallion who took over Warner Brothers when it merged with the Discovery Network. The one with all them lovely home renovation programs. It is not my place to disparage anyone. However, Mr. Zaslav has dropped the birthplace of Looney Tunes into a heap o’ trouble like catfish into the fryer. You may be familiar with his shelving of completed motion pictures, but are you aware that he once slighted the fine folks at the Nation Basketball Association?

Far be it from me to treat any corporate entity as noble or upstanding. Unlike the dew on the mornin’ grass, I am not fresh. Still, I like to think in terms of that giant, green fella from Japan. When you’ve got two monsters on a veritable crash course, it’s best to let them duke it out. It brings me no pleasure to see kind, gentle folks lose their source of employment. What I’m more partial to is calling out a corporation for the embarrassment it has become.

Ya see, back in 2022 when Mr. Zaslav began to run Warner Brothers Discovery, it was in advance of negotiations with the hoop-shooting fellas of the NBA. When asked about the process, Mr. Zaslav, who fancies himself a tough guy, made a little joke. “We don’t have to have the NBA,” he claimed to those inquisitive folks of the media. Well, it would appear that Mr. Zaslav was not speaking the truth.

Back in July, WBD took the NBA to court. Not the one they are familiar with, mind you. No, Warner Brothers Discovery sued the NBA for making a broadcast deal with Amazon instead of them. It is possible that Mr. Zaslav could have avoided this kind of public embarrassment, opting instead for the kind that reddens your cheeks when something less than savory appears on your television screen. Instead, they are being shown that the NBA is not to be trifled with.

Bare with me for a moment, if’n you don’t mind. I want to get us all home before the dinner bell. But, the NBA has cobbled together some sophisticated language to explain how the WBD couldn’t jump over a nickel to save a dime. And dagnabbit, the way they said it is right beautiful. “For example, to ensure the financial security of billions of dollars of rights fee payments over the deal’s 11-year term, Amazon agreed, inter alia, to maintain an escrow account from which rights fees will automatically be paid to the NBA as they become due,” explained the fine lawyers of Sullivan & Cromwell. “TBS eliminated this protection by giving itself the option to instead provide the NBA with syndicated letters of credit that the NBA can access only if TBS’s payments are late. That is not even close to the same thing.”

There are gentle, kind ways to remind a company that they recently had to report a loss of $9 billion. Those tactics are reserved for more upstanding targets. Mr. Zaslav will never be described in such a way. The man will continue to drag his feet, kicking and screaming like a child denied a second sip of sasparilla. There have already been claims of a “contractual right” by his lawyers. They invoked the fans who simply want to enjoy a basketball game with their friends and family. But those fans know Mr. Zaslav doesn’t think they’re worth a spit.

If ya wanna play chicken, ya better know how to peck. Attempting to squeeze the National Basketball Association for their laundry money was a risky move, I’ll give Mr. Zaslav that. It required a leap of faith and confidence that few possess. I’ll say it. The move took guts. But, as my mama always said, just because they’re both in your body, ya shouldn’t confuse guts for brains.