Typically a check-in on basketball’s Ball brothers would focus on the two most conventionally successful siblings, but today we have updates on all three. The eldest, 27-year-old Lonzo Ball, is working his minutes back up to almost 20 per game for the Chicago Bulls after multiple years spent in knee hell, which may or may not have been caused by the shitty DIY sneakers he previously wore. Lonzo’s throwing down in-game dunks for the first time in three years, and is reportedly a possible trade candidate before the deadline.

Lonzo’s youngest brother, 23-year-old LaMelo Ball, remains the superstar of the Charlotte Hornets, insofar as “superstar of the Charlotte Hornets” is metaphysically possible. Still expanding his joyful, infuriating, and faintly nihilistic style of play that challenges analysts to suss out if it actually helps you win basketball games (I happen to think it does, and the team context is too doomed to tell). He was fined $100,000 in November for saying “no homo” in an on-court interview; he’s been missing a bunch of games for ankle soreness, continuing a worrying injury trend. As the patron saint of addled Zoomers, at last count LaMelo leads all Eastern Conference guards in fan voting for the All-Star Game.

Lurking well outside the NBA is the middle Ball brother, 26-year-old LiAngelo, who played for the Hornets’ G-League affiliate in the 2022-23 season and most recently hooped for Astros de Jalisco of Mexico’s top pro league. LiAngelo is not suiting up for any team at the moment; he has another agenda. A few days ago, he released a rap song under the alias G3. It’s called “Tweaker.”

Even beyond the fact that it debuted on WorldStarHipHop, this track seems to be scratching an itch for aughts nostalgists. I played it for my wife without any context to see if she liked it; she did, and said it sounded like something off Cash Money sometime around 2003. I could just as well imagine it in soundtracking the crude polygons of Madden or NFL Street.

As the already well-worn joke goes, LiAngelo’s song made it to the NBA before he did. “The fact that you know the words … the song just came out,” Donovan Mitchell said to a teammate as “Tweaker” blasted in the Cleveland Cavaliers locker room during a postgame interview on Friday. “Shoutout to LiAngelo Ball, I guess.” (The team also played it in the arena, trollishly, after beating LaMelo’s Hornets on Sunday.) Lonzo and the Bulls have also been enjoying the song in their locker room. The Detroit Lions, who have no such familial obligation, danced to it after clinching the NFC’s top seed Sunday night.

At time of writing, “Tweaker” has 2.9 million views and is trending at No. 1 in YouTube’s music category. While Lonzo and LaMelo’s efforts disappear immediately into the black holes of their accursed franchises, LiAngelo’s work seems to be having an impact on the surrounding world. The latest-blooming Ball brother may have discovered his calling. Just keep LaVar out of the studio.