It’s almost a rite of passage as a Black student at a predominantly white university to have your likeness abused for the sake of “diversity.” You’ve all seen the pamphlets with carefully curated group photos of young people from every race and ethnicity imaginable, smiling like their tuition depends on it. My personal favorite is the “candid” shot of a single Black person walking through campus, like a Big Foot sighting. Bonus points if the person has a particularly “ethnic” hairstyle. It even happened to me once when a campus photographer lurking outside the Student Multicultural Center (the jokes write themselves) asked to take my picture. Ironically, one study found that the whiter a school’s population is, the more likely that the school will heavily depict diversity in its brochures, especially highlighting Black students.

Abbott Elementary pokes fun at white institutions using diversity as a marketing tactic when the school tours Girard Creek, the new golf course that’s finally reached the end of construction. The invitation to the “sneak peek” of the “pre-grand-opening preview” makes the staff skeptical, believing it’s probably a ruse for free labor — Mr. Johnson suggests they’ll be forced to “pull Michael Jordan out of a golf hole” like the scene in Space Jam — but they accept after finding out there will be free food. And not just any food; Girard Creek provides a smorgasbord of gourmet offerings, including ceviche, ahi tuna, and white truffles from Alba, Italy. It’s a nightmare dining situation for an extremely picky eater like Gregory, so Barbara uses it as an opportunity for exposure therapy to prepare Gregory for a date with Janine at a French restaurant.

As the staff and students file into the facility, Janine tries her hardest to stay on the defense in case “there’s a Get Out situation.” Miles, the lawyer who serves as the liaison between the course and Abbott, shows them around, pointing out the gracious views of what used to be the ancestral land of the Lenape people, whom they “hope are doing very well.” Everything is top of the line, and there’s even a framed picture of Charlie Sifford, the first Black man to play on the PGA Tour. This photograph should have been the first hint that there might be an ulterior motive to Abbott’s appearance at the course (Miles saying they love celebrating the “rich and diverse history of the game” is code for “I know we have a race problem”), but Janine is temporarily distracted by the impeccably delicious Arnold Palmers. Despite polishing off glass after glass of the iconic beverage — she ends up drinking 17 throughout the episode — Janine remains dubious of Miles’s intentions.

Gregory is also preoccupied with the course’s refreshments as Barbara forces him to confront his limited diet. Gregory’s picky eating has been a long-running gag on the show, but when Erica bails on a hard-to-get reservation, Barbara encourages Gregory to fill in so Janine doesn’t have to cancel. He’s hesitant as all the food is either “dusted and crusted or not to be trusted,” but Barbara assures him that sharing an intimate meal is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship, especially when dating someone who enjoys eating as much as Janine. But when she sees how aggressively Gregory responds to a waiter offering ahi tuna (his exact words are “f- – – no!”), she sees how unprepared he is for a true fine-dining experience. She challenges Gregory to accept whatever is on the tray the next time a waiter circulates their way, which happens to be a deviled quail egg. He fails this test, paralyzed by his “options,” and when the next waiter offers him a sea urchin, he literally runs away, proclaiming that he’s a “freak.” Barbara finds him hiding from all the exotic food and hands him what he believes is a serving of plain buttered noodles, which he immediately scarfs down. Unbeknownst to him, there’s a helping of truffle shaved atop his meal. When Barbara points out that she just got him to eat a food he insisted he disliked despite never trying, he finally feels ready to tackle the restaurant.

Meanwhile, Ava and Melissa are willingly indulging in the truffles Girard Creek flew out specifically for the grand opening when it dawns on them how strange it is for the course to have an abundance of such a rare mushroom. These particular truffles only grow during certain parts of the year in Alba and must be foraged by “special pigs.” Ava, a connoisseur of the finer things, notes that they can cost $4,000 a pound. Melissa facetiously remarks that there are so many truffles that the course might not even realize if they go missing, sparking an idea in the two people at Abbott with the highest level of street smarts. Ava distracts the room by loudly announcing that she’s about to do a complicated acrobatic sequence of back flips and roundoffs, then abruptly retracts her statements after Melissa successfully steals as many truffles as she can.

Elsewhere, Janine’s skepticism is validated after she and Jacob witness Miles channeling his inner reality-TV producer and coaching a student to sing the course’s praises in front of a camera. Miles dismisses filming a minor as “getting some feedback,” but Janine and Jacob know something is up and start to ask their students what’s going on, reminding them they don’t have to lie about liking golf for the camera. Conversely, the students truly seem to be enjoying themselves, particularly RJ — Jacob still hasn’t found an activity that will inspire him to become more engaged. To Jacob’s surprise, RJ is infatuated with the game, smiling bigger than we’ve seen before as he plays with the virtual golf simulation. But when Miles assembles the school for a group picture, sending all the white staff and students (or should I say, singular student) to the back of the shot before summoning a three-legged dog to pose with them, Janine peeps exactly what’s going on. To make matters worse, Miles responds to RJ’s question about getting more involved by encouraging him to return when he’s old enough … to be a caddy. Just like the false promises of the infamous diversity-centered college brochures, the unspoken is clear: Black faces are beneficial for publicity but not for true inclusion.

One thing about Abbott Elementary both onscreen and off is that the show doesn’t play about depicting the students as autonomous children with full lives, not charity in need of our pity. They let Black kids exist in all their glory without turning them into a statistic or a cautionary tale. While a lot of this is usually done with care and intention in the writers’ room, this episode presents how the characters within the show’s universe react to the students being treated like a charity case. Once Ava sees the course’s Instagram post of the group picture with the hashtags #Black Lives Matter and #Charity Day, they go into beast mode to stand up for their kids. First, Janine and Jacob confront Miles about misrepresenting why he invited the school to tour the facility, but he’s indifferent, saying it’s “par for the course” since Abbott blackmailed him first. With Miles clearly not rolling over easily, Janine and Jacob enlist in the other teachers to avenge their students.

Jacob, Ava, Melissa, and Janine (with another Arnold Palmer in hand) storm into Miles’s office demanding a free club for Abbott students to learn golf, thinking the accompanying tax break would be a great incentive. Miles doesn’t budge, refusing to do any more favors for the school, so Janine calls in Gregory to beat his ass (I loved the callback to the fight episode). Obviously, no one lays a hand on Miles, but Melissa uses the stolen truffles as leverage, with Gregory threatening to eat every mushroom, leaving none left for the grand opening. Gregory scarfs one down like a rabid animal, while Janine, high off iced tea and lemonade, aggressively demands to know what’s inside the drinks. Miles gives in to the club, and the teachers return to school with RJ ecstatic about his new extracurricular activity. After school, Janine and Gregory keep the reservation and Gregory does his best to play the role of dedicated foodie, even hilariously praising the “blood” complementing his braised lamb. Janine corrects him, saying the blood is, in fact, a red-wine reduction, but she ends up being the first to tap out, admitting she doesn’t like the food. Relieved, Gregory reveals he wasn’t enjoying it, either, and the couple exits the restaurant, hopefully on their way to get something a bit more appetizing.

• It was uncharacteristic of Jacob not to pat himself on the back for solving a student’s problem. Instead, it seemed to only deepen his anxiety. I hope they expand on this as teachers are nearly twice as likely to experience difficulty coping with job-related stress than other adult workers.

• Finally, my favorite lines:

The student who wants to join the golf club: “I’m trying to get like you, RJ … you’re like the Black Tiger Woods.”

This entire exchange with Ava and Melissa proves we desperately need more scenes of them queening out:
Ava: “You be the oceans, I’ll be the eleven?”
Melissa: “Catch me if you can …”
Ava: “We ’bout to set it off …”
Melissa: “I’m up for this Italian job.”
Ava: “We’ll be gone in 60 seconds …”
Both: “… And then we’d be out of sight!!”