To no one’s surprise, we were quickly humbled. The difficulties that came with becoming parents went way beyond just losing a bit of sleep. It was an all-consuming, life-altering, existential-crisis-level of change that had us eating our words (and leaving our dumbbells gathering dust). Week after week, we just couldn’t figure out how to get back to our previous workout routine.

That is exactly where we were failing ourselves. We were trying to continue a life that no longer existed. The freedom to train whenever was best for us was gone. We no longer had the physical (or emotional) energy to push through the hard workouts we used to love.

The way we were living changed, so of course the way we approached fitness had to change, too. Here are the three lessons we had to learn in order to stay fit as new parents.

Manage Your Intensity Expectations

AS EXPECTED, EXHAUSTION was the biggest barrier to overcome. Whenever we would find ourselves with a small window of time to train, the last thing we wanted to do was get physically crushed by a workout. The “hurts so good” feeling we used to look forward to now filled us with dread.

The first step to getting back on track was to adjust the intensity of our workouts. At face value, this may seem like a step in the wrong direction. But, once we lowered the barrier to entry by allowing our workouts to be less intense, we were much more likely to choose a workout over a nap (which, let’s face it, is a VERY hard choice as a new parent). When we realized that it was actually increasing our overall output as compared to when we were trying—and failing—to keep the intensity high, we quickly got over our hang ups around this being a seemingly “backwards” step.

In practice, this looked like keeping the weights a little lighter and the rate of exertion a little lower. Think 3 sets of 10 at 60-70% effort, rather than 5 sets of 5 at 80-90% effort. This helped to reduce the impact that high percentage loads have on the central nervous system, while maintaining a muscle and strength building effect.

We also temporarily removed high intensity interval training and punishing finishers, and shifted our priority to functional strength and mobility–things that challenge us, but didn’t increase our overall exhaustion. Not only did this help us to be more consistent with our workouts, but we actually didn’t “lose” anything by removing these from our routine. While it can feel good to end your workout with a good sweat when you have the energy for it, it’s not the thing that will make or break your results in the gym.

This adjustment will look different for every new parent. It’s about minimizing the thing you dread the most about your workout. Ultimately it’s less about what you remove, and more about finding a way to make your workouts feel more doable and reasonable for you at this time. You can always ramp the intensity back up as you find yourself with more energy, but this short term reduction will have a big impact on your ability to stay consistent.

Be Okay With a Weird Schedule

TIME BECAME EVEN more limited than it already was once we put a second kid into the mix. Between feedings, playing, managing two different nap schedules, and working on top of it all, our days were packed. We became accustomed to early evening workouts before having kids, but this part of the day had become the most difficult time to squeeze in a training session.

That’s when we decided to start our “late night workout crew” sessions. We’re lucky enough to have a training space in our home, so we would put the kids to bed, bring the baby monitor downstairs, and start our workouts as late as 9 or 10 p.m. Not ideal, but it was the time that we knew would be least likely to be interrupted.

Having an in-home gym is certainly not a luxury that every parent has. If getting out of the house to work out is proving impossible, it can be so beneficial to embrace bodyweight workouts that you can do at home. Don’t feel like it’s a regression to focus more on bodyweight if you’re used to lifting heavy. It’s better to do something than nothing at all. Or, get your hands on a pair of dumbbells (here’s a few MH-approved favorites) and some resistance bands so you can create a mini-home gym of your own.

Again, adapting schedules will look different for everyone based on each family’s unique situation, but the idea here is to remove the idea of what is “optimal” and find what is “reasonable” for you at this time. Time constraints will change with each new season—from having babies to preschoolers to school-aged kids—so being willing to adapt with those changes rather than being rigid in your training routine is going to make life much easier.

Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

OF COURSE, WE couldn’t have done any of this without a strong support system. Early on we realized that we had to be clear with each other about our fitness goals so we could support one another on that journey.

We’re both flag football athletes, and wanted to get back out on the field together after having kids. So we worked out a plan to alternate drives, where one parent played on the field while the other played with the baby on the sidelines, and then we’d swap places. This allowed us to keep doing something we loved together, but it took some sacrificing and planning to make it work.

While we were lucky to have this type of support baked into our relationship, not everyone has that in a significant other. However, support systems can be found in a variety of places—from online forums, to gym communities, to friends and family.

Support systems can help you in tangible ways: providing childcare, or helping you plan your workouts. But, they can also help in intangible ways, like lending a listening ear or being a workout partner that provides accountability. Hiring a personal trainer or joining a virtual training program are other great ways to have some built in support on this journey if it’s within your budget. If it’s not, finding online forums or a great workout partner can help you stay accountable to your workouts.

Parenthood, especially in the early days, can feel lonely and isolating. You might feel like you need to have everything figured out, or that you need to do it all on your own. We forget to look around and ask for the support we need in order to maintain our sense of self along the journey.

Whether you’re a new parent, a veteran parent, or worried how becoming a parent might impact your workout routine in the future, we hope you know that with a little tweaking and a willingness to adapt, you can absolutely keep fitness as a priority in your life. It may look different, but that’s because your life is different—and that is okay. Finding ways to keep fitness as a staple will help you feel your best even during the most challenging of days.